The first stop was Bansko. I booked us into the Kempinski hotel since my parents were paying and I got to choose the hotels. They actually had a good “Pay for 2 Nights Get the 3rd Night Free” deal so it wasn’t that bad. The key here is we got free use of the spa (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.). Of course, although the Kempinksi is a 5-Star hotel – regardless of its international reputation – it’s still a 5-Star hotel in Bulgaria. Accordingly, the electricity went out several times. They had a backup generator, but strangely none of the room bathroom lights were hooked up to it. Good thing I wasn’t using the facilities during any of the outages. The lights in the spa, however, were hooked up to the generator so we see where the priorities lie. Also the shower didn’t drain properly and the bathtub drain was broken (there was a seperate tub and shower in the bathroom). In the Kempinski’s defence, the staff fixed the problems when I complained. We used Bansko for the staging area for visiting Southwest Bulgaria.

On the way to Bansko we stopped at Rila Monastary – my 3rd trip there. The next day we went to Melnik which I had never been to. It is a quaint little village which is becoming less and less quaint as more and more building is happening there.

During the Melnik trip we decided to see another monastary about 10 km down the road. We came upon a church which I thought might be the monastary. We got out, looked around and when we got back into the rental car it wouldn’t start. I had rented a diesel VW Polo for the trip. We were on a hill so I tried coasting down and popping the clutch to no avail. We made it down to the small village at the bottom of the hill by coasting. The car would try to turn over, but when I turned the key none of the instrument gauges moved including the gas guage. I thought perhaps the gauge was broken and we had run out of gas. I talked to a local guy in town and he called someone in Melnik to bring some diesel out to the car. An hour later he showed up, I poured in the gas and the results were the same. The car would try to turn, but wouldn’t start and the instrument panel wouln’t light up. At this point the town started to get interested. Before long we had 5 guys all trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. We pushed the car up the hill a couple times to try and pop the clutch – all in vain. Finally I called the rental car company to complain and they said I needed to lock and unlock the car before it would start. Sure enough this was it. If you left the car unlocked for more than a few minutes some kind of security feature would activate that wouldn’t let you start the car until you locked them unlocked the car with the automatic RF lock.

This is the most retarded accessory to a car I have ever seen. How often do I get out of the car to go to the bathroom, get gas, look at something beside of the road, etc. – all things that don’t require me to lock the car. The answer, as I learned, is often. Well, I had to lock the car if I did any of these actions or it wouldn’t start. The entire rest of the trip had me constantly get out and lock and unlock the car before it would start. What happens if the battery in your little keychain lock dies. You’re screwed is the answer. Another example of how technology makes things worse rather than better. Not to vent entirely at VW – of course the rental company didn’t tell me this key piece of information. Of course they didn’t put the car manual in the car. Typical Bulgarian customer service.

We spend one day at Bansko and drove up to the ski area. They are building like crazy all over Bansko. What was once a small town is rapidly turning into a huge resort. Even from when I was there this past winter there are dozens of huge new apartment complexes going up. Up on the resort they were working on new trails and facilities as well.

From Bansko we drove to Plovdiv through an impressive gorge. On the way we must have passed through one of the Muslim regions on Bulgaria because we passed several small towns with mosques.

We spend the afternoon at Plovdiv then drove back to Sofia.

The next day we headed off to Veliko Turnovo. We stayed in the Gurko Hotel which I have heard good things of and all were true. Our room was on the top floor and had a great view of the river.

After VT we headed to Varna for a night. It took us a few minutes to find the hotel, but eventually got there and, again, had a great room with a view of the large Cathedral there. We walked around some of the extensive pedestrian streets of Varna before walking along the Black Sea shore for a while. We managed to see a wedding happening in the Cathedral while we were visiting. Interestingly, they didn’t close the Cathedral to visiters during the wedding so crowds of people were coming and going during the ceremony.

The next stop was Nesebar for a couple hours before continuing on to Sozopol where we were able to stay free in my landlord’s apartment. This was my 4th time to Sozopol, but my first in the off season. The town was nearly a ghost town with almost every shop and restaurant closed. It was very strange to see the town like this. The apartment was near a soccer field and we were able to catch Sozopol play Nesebar. Nesebar had the upper hand in that game.

Finally we drove back to Sofia and spend a day visiting several churches, the art museum, the ethnographic museum and a few shops for my mother to buy misc. Bulgarian stuff.

Share on Facebook

Share on Facebook

Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2006 12:19:50 +0300
Subject: Information Needed for the Embassy’s Emergency Preparedness

Dear American Citizen,

As part of Embassy’s efforts to be prepared to provide assistance to the private American community in the country in case of an emergency, we need to know what resources within this community we may rely on. This is why we would appreciate it if you would tell us whether you have skills, such as languages other than English and Bulgarian, special expertise (for example, Engineer, medical doctor), as well as handy possessions (radios, helicopters, etc.) If possible, we would be grateful if we would receive your reply by June 27.

Best regards,
*important embassy person*
U.S. Embassy Sofia

As an American citizen dedicated to helping my fellow country-persons I crafted the following reply:

*important embassy person*,

Of course I have a helicopter – all Americans in Sofia have helicopters! How else can we be expeced to fly between our Lozenets apartments, the office, and the multi-billion dollar Americans-only invisible mansion near Varna?

As you rightly surmised, I also keep it because of eminent danger from the Bulgarian people. The ATAKA members are pushing the upper limits of Bulgaria’s average life expectancy and will soon have nothing to lose from a concerted attack on American interests. We all saw the full strength of their organization during the NATO meetings.

As such, you may rely on my helicopter to provide assistance to the American community in case of an emergency. It’s pretty easy to find because it’s friggin’ huge (sometimes creating problems when I try and land it on my balcony). It basically looks like the Russian gunship helicopter from Rambo III. In fact, it is the Russian helicopter from Rambo III – my family is friends with the director. So, just give me the signal – I’ll start the engines, unlock the weapons systems and we’ll be good-to-go.

I also noticed you were looking with citizens with radios. I have one of those. I usually have it tuned to “Radio Edno” but sometimes I scan around during that annoying classical song the play at the top of every hour. It’s very heavy – probably made out of vacuum tubes – so would probably work well as a blunt weapon.

As a triple bonus I’ve been speaking Pig Latin since the age of 7. I am willing to translate to avert any potential crisis from native Pig Latin speakers.

I am always prepared to help my fellow citizens out.

God Bless America,
Ryan

Reader notes:
- Lozenets is a high priced area of Sofia where many expats and diplomats live.

- Varna is a city on the Black Sea coast of Bulgaria well known for its surrounding beach resort areas.

- ATAKA is an extreme nationalist political party made up of mostly old people longing for the good-old (communist) days when they were paid to sit around and do nothing. They blame America for all their marrital and dental problems.

- Rambo III is a movie where John J. Rambo is sent into Afganistan to rescue Colonel Trautman from the Russians. A good chunk of the movie consists of Rambo running away from a Russian helicopter gunship. Despite the gunship unloading about 80 missles and 20,000 rounds of ammunition, Rambo is able to escape without a single injury. Eventually Rambo gets tired of running from the gunship and shoots it down with a Daisy pump BB-gun he finds under a cactus.

- “Radio Edno” (translated, Radio One) is a local mix radio station that always plays a classical music song at the top of every hour (although the “classical music” song is usually something like the theme to Star Wars)

- Pig Latin is a “language” made by putting the first letter of a word at the end and adding “ay” (thus “donkey” would become “onkeyday” in Pig Latin). This is a very popular language in America for 7-10 year olds.

Share on Facebook

We arrived at the stadium in the middle of the (mediocre) opening band. To get into our section, we followed a sign with an arrow showing out section number. The arrow was pointing up which I assumed meant go straight. As I found out, I really meant go right. Very intuitive. All this basically meant we went in the wrong entrance and were separated from our section. We finally had to be escorted through some barriers to get to our section.

We bought tickets to the VIP section, not because we wanted them, but because they were the only tickets left on the second day of sales back in January. In Bulgaria ticket sales go backwards – cheapest to most expensive. Our tickets were 50 BGN (about $30), but we found out from a Macedonian sitting next to us that the tickets were 50 Euro outside Bulgaria. Sitting in the VIP section meant we had seats in the stadium seating rather than standing on the lawn. Of course everyone stood anyway so it didn’t really matter. So, we were supposed to have seats, but by the time we got there all the seats had been taken and so had most of the standing space in the aisles. We managed to find some space near the fence separating the VIP section from all the heathens on the lawn. The VIP section also theoretically got us free drinks. However, when I saw the line to the bathroom, I thought it would be best to keep my bladder empty lest I miss half the show waiting in line. On our way out I took a peek in the bathroom. There were not separate men’s and women’s bathrooms – it was all one with four separate stall. What I saw in the bathroom cannot be adequately described in words. Let’s just say there were some makeshift rafts made out of boxes, plastic grates and whatever else was nearby to keep the visitors from wading in … well, you know what. You’d think that Turkish (squat) toilets wouldn’t have this problem, but it sure was a problem last night.

The actual concert was very good. The crowd was very energetic (they had been waiting since January for the concert, after all). Apparently this was one of the first (if not THE first) concert to make use of large scale lighting special effects, video screens and such. Most of the stuff was new (i.e. post-Violator, the last album of theirs I bought), but they did crank into a few of their older songs near the end of the show. The crowd seemed to know the words to most of the songs – probably in the same way I know the words to La Bamba without knowing a lick of Spanish.

We strategically poised ourselves near one of the exits for a quick escape as the show was ending. It was to our favor because we were able to quickly catch a cab and be home in time to watch the end of the Argentina-Netherlands game.

Share on Facebook

Share on Facebook

I went into the mall for the first time this past week to check it out. Despite being touted as a “western style mall”, it looks pretty small from the outside. During construction I member thinking, “I’ve seen Macy’s stores bigger than this whole mall.” Well, the mall is actually bigger than it looks (although, not much). Inside there are 6 floors, including two that are below ground level. The mall has a movie theater in it (which is nice because the other close movie theater, at NDK, is kind of dumpy). There is a small food court and no shortage of women’s lingerie stores (a trend prevalent throughout Sofia – women here must buy a lot of lingerie, or maybe it just gets worn out very quickly).

Very few structures in Bulgaria escape my “what is wrong with this” critique – the City Center Sofia mall is no exception. Right off the bat, if you notice on the picture above, the “Sofia” lights in “City Center Sofia” are already broken – after only 1 week. Quality workmanship. Once inside, the middle of the mall has a circular opening that extends through all 6 floors. This opening accommodates the escalators. The escalators are set up such that, when moving between floors, you must walk around the circular opening to the opposite side to continue your journey up or down. From a customer standpoint I find this annoying, but from a business perspective it makes perfect sense. Since the mall’s customers are forced to walk around the opening, the retail space on either side of the escalators becomes a prime location. Every customer moving between floors walks by one or the other of two grade-A prime retail spaces. So, what does the mall do with one side of this prime revenue generating space? They put an elevator bank there. And not just one elevator – three! So, in addition to an extensive escalator system, they also have 3 elevators in a mall only slightly bigger than Macys. Super. I’m sure those elevator banks are adding significantly to your bottom line.

You could argue that the building designers had Sofia’s handicapped population in mind when they installed the elevators. This is a noble argument, but unrealistic. If they had the handicapped population in mind they wouldn’t have built stairs to the entrance of the mall and put several large potted plants blocking the handicapped ramp. Like every other building in Sofia, the City Center Sofia mall is designed to be “handicap-free.” There is no “Bulgarians with Disabilities Act.” If your disabled and you want to get to the 3rd floor, you better have some strong arms because you’ll be pulling both your handicapped ass and your wheelchair up those stairs. Even if there is an elevator in the building, you have to go up a half flight of stairs to get to it and it’s too small for your wheelchair. Plus, it’s broken.

Regardless, Bulgaria has made a big leap forward (at least in their eyes) with the new mall. I’m sure I’ll be visiting it again, unless of course I break a leg.

Share on Facebook

Share on Facebook

I also think I saw the previous technology of sanding truck. While walking, I saw a municipal dump truck pass me. Standing on a pile of sand in the back of the truck was a person with a shovel. As the truck drove this person was shoveling sand as fast as he could out of the back of the truck. Old school sanding.

Share on Facebook

From Sofia News Agency –

Politics: 14 February 2006, Tuesday.
An old residential block located in central Sofia neighbourhood Lozenets burst into flames Monday night.

The fire raged for nearly two hours and totally devastated the roof of the building. The fire erupted in an attic room and quickly spread through the entire roof and the last story of the building.

The firemen weren’t able to quickly tame the flames, as there was no water in the street cranes. Five cars of the brigade fought the fire for nearly two hours.

All families from the residential block were evacuated and luckily there are no casualties.

Let us analyze this article. First of all, what the hell is a street crane? I don’t know. None of my Bulgarian coworkers know. I think it would be safe to say even the firemen have no idea what one is – which is probably why they forgot to put water in it.

Also, the article states, “five cars of the brigade fought the fire….” This means that Sofia’s two fire engines were probably supplemented with two of the firemen’s personal Lada’s and the emergency telephone truck I wrote about a couple months ago.

To continue, the article writes, “the brigade fought the fire for nearly two hours.” Fought the fire with what? Piss? They already stated there wasn’t any water. Did they try to blow it out? My guess is that the fire burnt itself out because, once all the 1970’s vintage furniture was consumed, there was nothing left but concrete – and concrete just isn’t that flammable.

So what did we learn today? We learned that there are indeed fires in Sofia and, when there are, the firemen have no idea what to do. Super.

Share on Facebook

1. Leave my apartment building and immediately think to myself, “It seems a bit cold out today.”

2. Walk down the street and notice that many people have pulled out their polar bear fur coats for the commute to work. I also notice the distinct absence of any of the usual stray dogs loitering about.

3. Turn onto the main street where I am hit by a slight breeze. Maybe it’s more than “a bit cold” outside.

4. Decide not to walk to NDK and instead wait for a tram (despite that I will only take the tram 2 stops to NDK) since I don’t want to walk through the foot of snow we got over the weekend. Luckily I only needed to wait 3 minutes for the #6 tram.

5. The tram pulls up looking like a piece of ice carved into a tram. I’m amazed the thing is actually running.

6. I take this tram to NDK where I have to wait for the #7 tram (outside). The #7 tram is late. By the time it finally arrives I can no longer feel my fingers, toes or nose.

7. The #7 tram also looks like a hug block of ice. There was about a half centimeter of ice covering all the windows on the inside blocking any view of the outside. Luckily I was going to the last stop so I didn’t need to mentally count stops in my head. The inside of the tram was only a few degrees warmer than outside the tram. No body talked, moved or did anything on the tram. Everyone’s energy was focused on keeping core body temperatures warm.

8. I arrive at the last stop where I have another 5-6 minute walk to my building. I try to walk at my fastest speed, but my joints were so cold they wouldn’t let me. My entire hand has now gone numb and my face stings.

9. I finally make it to my building, only seconds away from severe hypothermia (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration – but that’s what it felt like). I think this is the coldest temperature I have ever been in.

Note that the weather forecast for today was a low of 22F (-5C) and a high of 39F (4C). In fact, they are still predicting 39F for today. It looks like they will be off by a couple degrees as I doubt the temperature will rise by 48 degrees (F) by the end of the day. Perhaps the Bulgarian weather forecasters should invest in a thermometer and a weather rock.

Share on Facebook