I never miss Dulles Airport. My only consolation on this trip is that I don’t have to go through Terminal A – my longtime arch-nemesis. I arrived a couple hours early and sat at the gate playing with my new iPhone. After a few minutes I look up and see someone who looks amazingly like Dave Grohl (the lead singer for Foo Fighters). The gate across from us was going to Los Angeles. Hmmmmm. He was there with his wife and kid so I did a quick google image search on his wife to confirm his identity. Bingo! It was definitely Dave Grohl. I spent the next 30 minutes trying to get a picture without getting my arse kicked … unsuccessfully, unfortunately. Oh well.

I decided on this trip to use 15K frequent flyer miles to upgrade to business class. Flying back it doesn’t matter that much, but flying east you basically lose the night unless you sleep on the plane – something economy class does not help me do. I get on the plane and settle into my business class seat. Once in the air I flip through the in-flight magazine. In it there is an ad touting United’s new international business class seats. They all have on-demand entertainment systems and lie-flat (the full 180 degrees) seats. I looked at my seat and then back at the picture in the magazine. My seat didn’t look anything like the advertised version. The next 15 minutes involving pulling lots of levers, pressing multiple buttons and generally annoying the well-dressed businessman next to me … only to confirm that my seat did not, in fact, do anything that was advertised in the magazine. It did not lie flat. There was an entertainment system, but it was not on-demand. It was not clean and blue like the picture, but more of a stained brown color. Basically it was a big disappointment. I probably would have slept fine, but now that I knew there was something better out there I only got maybe an hour of sleep.

I arrived in Frankfurt around 7am, took a cab to the hotel, checked in and promptly fell asleep for the rest of the morning … on a bed that allowed me to lie 180 degrees flat. I walked around Frankfurt during the afternoon, but it was Monday which is when Germans (and many other Europeans as I recall) close their museums. Thwarted on the museum front I made up for it my sitting in cafes and drinking good German beer.

The next day I was back at the Frankfurt airport for my flight to Cairo. The Germans are known the world over for their efficiency and organization. This is because they weed out all the inefficient members of society and make them work at Frankfurt International Airport. The security line was impressively ridiculous – both because of the staff and the recently lobotomized passengers. I’m convinced every person in that line had never been to an airport before. A passenger would get up to the x-ray and try to walk through despite wearing a suit jacket, watch, belt, cell phone, and their laptop still in their bag. “No sir, you’ll have to take off your jacket/watch/etc and put it through the x-ray.” “Oh yes, I’m sorry.” Come on people – we’ve been doing this for nearly a decade now. Then the worst part is, the person just behind him – who, because of the very poor orientation of the lines is nearly humping the back side of the first passenger – steps up and does the exact same thing! “Oh, I need to take my jacket off?” Yes, dumb-dumb – weren’t you paying attention to the guy in front of you? I had to watch the same thing – over and over – for the whole line! Amazing. It probably blew their mind when I got up there all prepared and sailed through the x-ray/metal detector in record time.

Anyway, I finally got in the terminal and started looking for some food. When you stay at nice hotels (i.e. the Hilton), they make you pay $30 for breakfast – something I was unwilling to do on principle. When you stay at the lower class version (i.e. Hampton Inn) you get all-you-can-eat breakfast for free. The quality might not be the same, but it’s not $30 difference in quality. Anyway, all I’m trying to say is I was hungry when I got to the airport. I eventually found the ubiquitous McDonald’s and ordered a sausage/egg/cheese McMuffin. What I got was a horseradish/sausage/more horseradish/cheese and horseradish McMuffin. I didn’t have any sinus problems for the rest of the day.

I made it to Cairo around 3pm and took a taxi service to my hotel downtown. The first thing that impressed me about Cairo was the traffic. The impressive part about it was that I didn’t see anyone die in a traffic accident throughout my trip. If that traffic had been transported to the US, there would have been 10,000 deaths in 30 minutes. The rules for Cairo traffic are – there are no rules. Well, maybe one – stop if there is a policeman standing in the middle of the road blowing his whistle. That usually stopped traffic. Other than that, I don’t even know why they paint lines on the road. I don’t know why there are stoplights either … especially since I didn’t see any that were actually working. Perhaps they thought about having lights and rules at some point and decided to just screw it and leave things they way there are. The scariest part is crossing the street. There was more than one instance where I walked quite far out of my way to avoid crossing a couple of streets near the hotel. An Egyptian described it to me like this, “You don’t look at traffic – just walk and pray to Allah.” He pretty much hit the nail on the head. It was human Frogger. The trick is to stand “downstream” from an Egyptian and use them as a human shield for oncoming traffic. If you walk at a constant pace across the street the cars all somehow seem to avoid you. I think if I had paused or tried to rush across I would be dead. Weekends in the Middle East are typically Friday and Saturday. Sunday is a work day. Because Friday is the holy day, traffic is actually just bad (as opposed to horrible). Friday mornings are probably the best time to cross streets.

If you survive crossing the street the first thing that meets you on the opposite side is a barrage of people wanting to separate you from your money – legally of course. Crime is actually quite low in Egypt – probably because there seems to be more than one offense where hanging is the punishment. The joys of a police state. Anyway, everyone is your “friend” and wants to show you their store or help you find what you need – for some backsheesh of course. Backsheesh can be a tip or a bribe depending on the situation. It’s quite common in Egypt – even for the locals, but Americans walking around look like dollar bills. Plus, we’re gullible as hell – especially when it comes to buying cheap souvenir crap. Since many Americans aren’t used to haggling they’ll willingly pay whatever the shopkeeper quotes them. I know this because I watched it happen man times in my short stay there. I, on the other hand, know better. You basically take whatever they quote you and divide by two. That number is the most you should pay, so you actually need to start the negotiation at about 25% of their first asking price. You can’t be afraid to walk away. 9 times out of 10 they’ll chase you down and drop their price.

The scamming even happens in the hotel. I had some tea at the cafe in the hotel. The waiter asks if I would like a pastry since it is “free” with my tea. “No, maybe later,” I said. I drank my tea, asked for the check and see the price is almost double the price of the tea. What? I then see a “special” where you get tea and a pastry for the price on my bill … only I didn’t eat a pastry. I call the waiter over. “Why does my bill quote the combo price when I didn’t have a pastry?” “Well sir, you said ‘Maybe later’”, as if that meant, “I’d like to pay for it even if I didn’t eat it.” You have to pay attention to all times when it comes to billing and pricing in Egypt.

On Friday I went out to check out the Giza Pyramids. They are quite impressive in real life. It was over 100 degrees the day we went out there so it was definitely toasty. You buy a ticket to the plateau, then you can buy additional tickets to go inside the two large pyramids. I bought a ticket to go inside the Great Pyramid because you can’t visit the Pyramids and not go inside at least one of them – even if they are overpriced. You have to climb up a couple flights of stairs as the entrance was a little above ground level. At the opening you leave your cameras with the very unofficial looking man at the entrance. Of course he expects some backsheesh when you return to get your camera. I left my camera, but didn’t mention the iPhone in my other pocket. You basically walk down a rocky corridor until you come to a small square pathway up to the center of the Pyramid. The first half is very narrow requiring a duckwalk for 20m before the pathway opens up for the final 20m to the burial chamber. It’s actually a good workout. There was an older lady I passed halfway up who I gave a 50-50 chance of not making it to the chamber without at least a minor stroke. The chamber was just an empty room with the stone remains of where the mummy was. Nothing to special. I was able to snap a couple (dark) pictures of the passageway but the burial chamber was too dark for the iPhone to pick anything up. Plus there was a guard in the chamber. However he made it clear that for a few Egyptian Pounds in his pocket it was perfectly acceptable to take pictures.

I walked around the other Pyramids, being accosted by camel riders trying to get me to ride their camels. The camels were all pretty nasty looking so I passed on the camel ride. My final stop was the Sphinx at the bottom of the plateau. It’s a lot smaller in person, but still neat to see. I took a taxi back to my hotel (about a 30 minute ride) for a whopping $6. Cheap taxi fares are a wonderful aspect of Cairo. I think the heavy government subsidy of gasoline helps out.

The next day I hit the Egyptian Museum. It houses many of Egypt’s great antiquities (at least those that the British didn’t plunder for the British Museum). The museum was build in the early 1900′s and has changed very little since then. It has a very warehouse feel to it right down to the lack of air conditioning. Still, there are many impressive artifacts from throughout Egypt’s history. The highlights are the mummies and King Tut’s treasures – both (thankfully) housed in two air conditioned rooms. On the way out of the museum I had a gentleman try to sell me papyrus for about 2 blocks before he decided that my completely ignoring him meant I didn’t want to buy anything.

The hotel had a pool which was very nice to relax by/in during the late afternoons. There was also a hot tub, cold tub, sauna and steam room available to guests. They were nice, but I generally stuck to the pool.

I went one evening to the Khan el-Khalili – the main and oldest market in Cairo. This is where you need to put your haggling hat on and get ready for the barrage of sellers accosting you to look in their store. It’s definitely an adventure. The sales tactics here are much more intense than those I saw at the bazaar in Istanbul. Beside the Khan is the Al-Hussein mosque. It’s considered to be one of the holiest Shi’ah mosques in the world. Supposedly it has one of the oldest complete manuscript of the Quran. I went inside and walked around for a bit. The manuscript was in a back room – well populated with men praying. Women could enter the mosque from the back side and view the Quran from one side specifically fenced off for them.

A couple days later I decided to augment my Islamic intake with the Old Coptic Christian section of Cairo. The Coptic section is conveniently right across the street from the metro (costing $0.20 to ride). This is the oldest part of Cairo formerly known as Babylon. You can still see old Roman ruins in the area. The Coptic museum was recently refurbished and has a nice collection of artifacts. There are a number of churches within the old city walls – the most famous being The Hanging Church dating from around 900 AD. There was also a synagogue which was built on the site where (so the story goes) the baby Moses was found.

Those were the highlights for Cairo. All in all I thought it was a fun place to visit. There was a lot to see. The Egyptians were all very nice (if a bit aggressive with their sales tactics, but I probably would be too if I made $2000/year). I didn’t get outside of Cairo, but there is a lot to see around Egypt. I’d recommend it as a vacation – just avoid the Pizza Hut in Tahrir Sq.

For the trip back I again stopped in Frankfurt for a day. This time I was there on a Tuesday so was able to visit the Film museum there which was having an exhibit on H.R. Giger’s work. The rest of my time there involved drinking good German beer in an attempt to flush out the not-so-good Egyptian beer. On the flight back to DC I had my own movie screen. It wasn’t on-demand, but there were about 7 movies that played in loops. This made it tricky to catch whole movies with minimal gaps and required some careful planning (as the movie lengths were given). It still didn’t quite work out. I managed to see Watchmen 1.5 times, Monsters vs. Aliens, half of Fanboys and half of New in Town.

I finally made it home about 9pm and promptly went to bed.

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