Mall Rats
Katie and I have become very worried about the economy and decided tonight to create our own economic stimulus package with a trip to the Pentagon City Mall. After tonight’s visit I have decided to rename Pentagon City Mall, “High School Field Trip Mall”. There were no less than 20 separate high school groups roaming the mall. I know this because they all had matching t-shirts with their school name and something cliché like, “Goin’ to DC”.
I was not particularly happy with these groups as they all decided to go to the food court at the exact time I did. Many of them were in line at McDonalds, but were spilling over into more respectable fast food restaurants … like Popeye’s … where Katie and I were ordering. Neither one of us has ever eaten at Popeye’s Chicken and felt we were missing out on an important piece of Americana.
I recommend to anyone visiting Popeye’s at the High School Field Trip Mall that they bring a laser pointer to clearly identify parts of the Popeye’s menu from which they wish to order. There was a section on the menu entitled, “Pick any 2”. Under the “Pick any 2” were several options that would require a powerful set of binoculars to read correctly. I’m quite sure one of the options was a Buffalo Chicken wrap thing. I tried to order my Buffalo Chicken wrap thing (I call it a “thing” because I was unable to read the 5 point font description on the menu) and the cashier had no idea what I was talking about. I said the name again. Still no comprehension. I said the name louder (clearly the best way to get a non-native English speaker to understand you). Again, a blank stare. Next I said it and pointed to my item on the menu. She looks at where I’m pointing, but can’t seem to figure out which of the 37 items they had crammed into that section of the menu I was talking about. This continued several times until I gave up and ordered the chicken sandwich. I feel a laser pointer would have been very useful at this point.
Katie, in her typical absentmindedness, ordered a small drink without specifying what drink she actually wanted. The cashier didn’t seem to find anything odd about this and promptly poured Katie a Diet Coke. Katie looked at the cup and said, “What is this?” “Diet Coke.” “No, I wanted Sprite.” Finally we got our whole order straightened out. My chicken sandwich was ok, but I still wonder what the buffalo chicken thing tasted like – or if they even have it.”
One of my stops in the mall was Macy’s. I found a pair of pants to try on and headed to the dressing room near the Levi’s section. I am quite sure the men’s dressing room doubles as a crack house during off-peak hours. Several things I found odd about the dressing room (and, unfortunately my phone doesn’t have a camera so I don’t have pictures):
1) It smelled like urine
2) There was a stain in the corner where the urine smell was strongest
3) There were a large number of shirt/pant pins stuck into the carpet – I understand a few, but there were hundreds.
4) There were many empty soda bottles strewn around
5) There was a dark red splatter on the wall which looked like someone had been shot
6) Despite that section of the store being fairly crowded there was no one else in the dressing room.
I ended up walking home with some Clark’s shoes. If anyone has never worn Clark’s shoes I would HIGHLY recommend them. I have a couple pair already and they are by far the most comfortable shoes I own.
