New Bike: Take II
After my “Interbike: Future Generation Bicycle” was stolen I had to go back to my 50 minute commute. Yea, that got old real fast so I went out and got (another) new bike. I downgraded on quality, but upgraded on name.
My new bike is a “Cross: Sport Utility Bicycle” That’s right all you tree hugging dirty hippies – a SPORT UTILITY BICYCLE. No more of that eco-friendly, hybrid, save the earth bicycle crap.
The bike is large and in-charge. It eats Interbikes for lunch. Although physically about the same size as the Interbike, the Cross is heavier and has an aura around it at least 3x bigger. All that added weight means I burn more calories, which means I need to eat more, which means more farmland is harvested, which means more tractors are bought, which means more gas is used. And you know what all you hippie hikers – I don’t care.
My bike’s model name is “Maverick.” I honestly don’t think Top Gun’s Maverick would ride anything else. Only a “Cross: Sport Utility Bike” would be good enough for an ace Navy fighter pilot.
Another great feature of the bike is its ridiculous orange paint job. This thing is so bright you can see it coming from 20 miles past the horizon. Not even the curvature of the earth can stop this orange color from shining through.
If you see me cruising around town, let’s just say; you don’t want to cross the Cross. I’ll be the one taking up two spots at the bike rack (if they had bike racks in Bulgaria, that is). I’ll be the one cruising down the sidewalk expecting everyone to get out of my way while I nonchalantly sip on my Starbucks grande café mocha (if they had Starbucks here, that is).
You may hate how my bike is causing global warming, but deep down inside you wish you had one too. Well, come to Bulgaria and you might be able to pick one up at METRO for about $65.
As it is heavier it will be harder to steal it, but still take very good care of it as you can never know where and when a theft comes up!
I can just see a Bulgarian bike thief surfing the Internet, seeing this title, and thinking, “Hmmm…Take my new bike, please.”
I knew I saw a flash of orange yesterday! Having been born in Roswell, NM, I thought it might have been the Mother Ship coming to take me home, but no…it was you just on your commute.
Sorry to hear that your bike got stolen… when my last bike was stolen, i found some bloke from the gym riding it around…
and i agree with joel – i like the notice you have put out – here is another one to steal.